i remember it well


i remember the day i choose to be heterosexual, it was a rainy Tuesday, i had just turned 13 and my dad came up to me and said:

“son you’ve just turned 13 and in this house that makes you a man, its time to for you to make a decision that you’ll have to live with for the rest of your life, there is no backsees either”

so as you can imagine i was apprehensive when my dad took me into a dark room with only a chair and sat me down, he then turned to me and said:

“i’ll see you on the other side”

then left the room, leaving me in a dark scary places when suddenly three lights came on, these lights illuminated three doors, to the left was a picture of a penis, my right had a picture of a vagina and breast and in the middle was a mixture of the two. i agonized for along time before i decided to go right, i decided early on that i could never deal with both, it would be too confusing, i decided against homosexuality because although i want to look fabulous i don’t think i could handle the maintenance of all those spray tans, so decided to be hetrosexual because then i could get married let myself go while sticking my hand down my pants and drinking beer. so i walked through the door labeled with the breasts and was greeted by my father who said to me;

“i would have loved you no matter what you picked”

then he took me for a banana split which i thought was an ironic desert considering what i’d just been through. it was a tough choice and sometimes I second guess it but ultimately I’m happy with it, I mean I can’t change my mind now.


1 thought on “i remember it well

  1. The opera ain’t over till the last heterosexual is asleep.

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